quoted

A quote that captures the essence of thanksgiving this year:

I am unloving and yet, still loved. I am poor, and yet have everything, I am undeserving yet given more. I am walking away, and yet, still pursued. These things I'm thankful for.

S. Durham

thoughts through lyrics

"you made the stars in the sky, and you taught the sun to rise."

"lord of heaven and earth"

"here is love, vast as the ocean, loving kindness as the sea."

"who am i, that you are mindful of me?"

"he is jealous for me, love's like a hurricane, i am a tree"

"i believe that you're my portion, i believe that you are all i need."

God is God. a being that IS power. it is this power that formed the stars and the moon. He thought up the existence of antelopes. He is the one who causes all of the molecules and atoms in physical matter to hold together. the earth is completely dependent on Him. without His hand, we can do nothing. we live because He allows us to.

yet this same God is one to whom the psalmist sings: "O God, you are my God; I earnestly search for you. My soul thirsts for you; my whole body longs for you in this parched and weary land where there is no water." he says that God alone is his God and he is hard at work looking for God. nothing else satisfies the longing in his heart; nothing completes the hole inside him other than this God, who is water in a "parched and weary land."

this mystery of the God of the universe being close and wanting a personal relationship with us is hard to grasp. i can't wrap my mind around that idea. yet the fact remains, understood or not. this alone is what will satisfy us through our whole lives. no matter the situation or circumstance, God is there and remains unchanging.

God. you are my God and I will ever seek you. i will seek you in the morning and i will learn to walk in your ways. step by step you lead me, and i will follow you all of my days. thank you for transforming me, even when it's small and i can't feel it. you are my hope. you are my life. you are my God.

this i believe

This I believe that God is faithful. Simple sounding, I know but it is one of the most amazing truths of reality that I think too many people miss. This I believe, that if we could become more familiar with God’s faithfulness to us, and really know it down in the core of who we are, then it would change the way we live our lives. It is essential to know our theology of God, also something I believe, and God’s faithfulness is a good place to start.

In the darkest night, the heaviest burdens, the most hopeless situations, your worst fears come true, God is faithful. When a girl of twelve loses her father to some other woman more appealing than her mother, God is faithful. When a family is uprooted from their way of life and put into a different world, of sorts, God is faithful. When cancer comes out of nowhere and aggressively takes a teenager’s body by the throat, God is faithful. When another bright-eyed teenager has his hopes and plans dashed to pieces in the midst of doubts and questions, God is faithful.

These things are not necessarily ones to make you sing, “Great is thy faithfulness, Oh God my Father.” However, if we could sit down with each of these people, the first thing they would tell you, as they’ve told me, is that God is indeed faithful. Of course, in light of their circumstances, they would have to explain why they can say that with the experiences they’ve had. Unfortunately they can’t all be here to explain their stories, but I’ll try to recount a few of them.

First of all, God is faithful. There are hundreds of references, stories, and metaphors in the bible that attest to God’s faithfulness, and they are completely true and very reassuring but this I believe, that personal testimony from people around you, can be more convincing of what God has done; to hear it in someone’s own words and hear the conviction and passion in their voices.

God is a God that has no bounds, and is personal to each person on earth. His faithfulness is something that shows up in different ways yet is always the same. His presence is with us through whatever circumstances we come to in life, good or bad. It is easy to say that God is with us when things go well, or when things are in our favor. It is easy to say that God is here when His blessings abound. However, the true test, is when things do not go as planned, when things don’t turn out nicely, when we are hurt or forgotten, when life won’t give us a break. God is still faithful then.

hollow shell

where do we get our satisfaction from? what things do we fit into our lives to bring us "happiness?" it feels like i've been learning, the hard way, that i cannot be filled by anything in this life. God is showing me how i've been designed to be empty without Him. it's funny how things that people get excited about don't bring fulfillment. there is a longing for more in the midst of these things.

If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world.

- C.S. Lewis

i think i'm growing and learning. or at least i hope so.

heart follows hand

It's not what we do but who we are that matters in the end. It can be easy to play a part by doing all the things necessary to fill the role, but to actually be that way on the inside is what matters. We can say that we believe in certain things, and perhaps act on them, but they aren't really part of who we are until they take root in our hearts; in the core of who we are.

Do we support social justice causes because we think that it's a good idea? Or because we have been caught up in the trend toward getting involved? Shouldn't it really come from a deep-seeded compassion for the plight of the disadvantaged?

Are guys chivalrous because we want to be seen as "a great guy?" Or because it's something that girls admire? Shouldn't it come from a perspective that all women deserve respect and honor?

Do we pray and read our bible because we're expected to? Or because we find a quick fix of peace or comfort? Shouldn't it be because that is a way to communicate to the God of the Universe who loves us beyond our wildest dreams?

I'm not writing this out of agitation with others. That's not the angle I'm getting at. What I really want to check on is where my heart lies. Am I doing the things I am because I care for those things, or is it coming from the influence of others? Am I living my life the way I am because God asks me to do so, or is it just obedience to a system or social construct?

Christ called out the Pharisees for living religiously on the outside alone. They were "white washed tombs." They did all the right things on the outside but their hearts weren't behind their actions.

God. Help me to take a hard look at this. to live intentionally because i believe in the things i do. help me to live with purpose, and not to follow or do things because i've been told to. help me to examine my actions. and the motivations behind those actions.

thoughts on a saturday morning

where do we get our self worth? where does our sense of fulfillment and acceptance come from? where do we feel at home, or most comfortable? what do we do to find peace of mind? what do we look to to validate us?

i know the Sunday School answer should be "Jesus!" but is it really? can i look at my own life and genuinely say,from the core of who i am, that Jesus is the answer to all these things? is His love the only one that really matters? is His opinion of me the only one that really matters? is His love for me what gives me worth and validation? or is it the way i look, the friends i have, the music i listen to, the things i know, the shape i'm in; the list could go on and on.

i don't know about this.

i don't understand

God's love. it's been something i've been mulling over lately, and i keep coming back to how important that it is, and how far i am from understanding it. first of all, check these pictures out: this first one, to the right is of three galaxies that are about to collide. they have a gravitational force that brings them towards each other and they'll eventually explode. yeah.

here's another one only after an explosion; it's top right:

it's a supernova that has just burned out and right before it's life ended, it exploded into miles upon miles of gasses that fill up space around it. all of the different colors are different types of gas emitted by the explosion.

and one last one:

this is a picture of Old Faithful at Yellowstone, with a full moon shining behind the steam emitted by the geyser, making a halo of sorts around the gas.

now all of these things are cool to look at but i got to thinking the other day. we have only recently, (in the last 100 years) found the technology to look at space and see the many galaxies, stars, nebulae, and planets. that means that for 3.8 to 4.5 BILLION years, depending on who you ask, all of this remained unseen to anyone except God. why? why would He make so much that He knew would be unknown to humanity for a huge portion of history. is it love?

i've also been thinking alot about people and the relationships we have with each other. i know that i can try and try to live the life God wants me to; to love Him first and foremost over anything, to love others genuinely and from my heart, to not get caught up in the things of this world, and to seek His will on all i do. in theory, it doesn't sound that hard. but theory is not reality. there is a piece of me, so deeply rooted that i feel it's part of me, that makes this life impossible. i am imperfect and because of that, i come up of His standard again, and again, and again. yet He still loves me.

what? he still loves me? even when i arrogantly judge my classmate? even when i don't make time for Him but will make time for hanging with friends, or for working on homework, or for working out? he still loves me even when i get self-righteous and think i've handled it?

Romans 8 .38- ' And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow-not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below-indeed, nothing in al creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.'

God. keep agitating this idea of your love. i want to know more about it, and to see how it all fits into my life. please give me the desire to pour over the scriptures and find out how your love affected those you taught, and how it can affect me. transform my heart as i realize the fact that you love me enough to do all, and more, just for me. 'for You, i sing, i dance. i rejoice in this divine romance.'