heart follows hand

It's not what we do but who we are that matters in the end. It can be easy to play a part by doing all the things necessary to fill the role, but to actually be that way on the inside is what matters. We can say that we believe in certain things, and perhaps act on them, but they aren't really part of who we are until they take root in our hearts; in the core of who we are.

Do we support social justice causes because we think that it's a good idea? Or because we have been caught up in the trend toward getting involved? Shouldn't it really come from a deep-seeded compassion for the plight of the disadvantaged?

Are guys chivalrous because we want to be seen as "a great guy?" Or because it's something that girls admire? Shouldn't it come from a perspective that all women deserve respect and honor?

Do we pray and read our bible because we're expected to? Or because we find a quick fix of peace or comfort? Shouldn't it be because that is a way to communicate to the God of the Universe who loves us beyond our wildest dreams?

I'm not writing this out of agitation with others. That's not the angle I'm getting at. What I really want to check on is where my heart lies. Am I doing the things I am because I care for those things, or is it coming from the influence of others? Am I living my life the way I am because God asks me to do so, or is it just obedience to a system or social construct?

Christ called out the Pharisees for living religiously on the outside alone. They were "white washed tombs." They did all the right things on the outside but their hearts weren't behind their actions.

God. Help me to take a hard look at this. to live intentionally because i believe in the things i do. help me to live with purpose, and not to follow or do things because i've been told to. help me to examine my actions. and the motivations behind those actions.

thoughts on a saturday morning

where do we get our self worth? where does our sense of fulfillment and acceptance come from? where do we feel at home, or most comfortable? what do we do to find peace of mind? what do we look to to validate us?

i know the Sunday School answer should be "Jesus!" but is it really? can i look at my own life and genuinely say,from the core of who i am, that Jesus is the answer to all these things? is His love the only one that really matters? is His opinion of me the only one that really matters? is His love for me what gives me worth and validation? or is it the way i look, the friends i have, the music i listen to, the things i know, the shape i'm in; the list could go on and on.

i don't know about this.

i don't understand

God's love. it's been something i've been mulling over lately, and i keep coming back to how important that it is, and how far i am from understanding it. first of all, check these pictures out: this first one, to the right is of three galaxies that are about to collide. they have a gravitational force that brings them towards each other and they'll eventually explode. yeah.

here's another one only after an explosion; it's top right:

it's a supernova that has just burned out and right before it's life ended, it exploded into miles upon miles of gasses that fill up space around it. all of the different colors are different types of gas emitted by the explosion.

and one last one:

this is a picture of Old Faithful at Yellowstone, with a full moon shining behind the steam emitted by the geyser, making a halo of sorts around the gas.

now all of these things are cool to look at but i got to thinking the other day. we have only recently, (in the last 100 years) found the technology to look at space and see the many galaxies, stars, nebulae, and planets. that means that for 3.8 to 4.5 BILLION years, depending on who you ask, all of this remained unseen to anyone except God. why? why would He make so much that He knew would be unknown to humanity for a huge portion of history. is it love?

i've also been thinking alot about people and the relationships we have with each other. i know that i can try and try to live the life God wants me to; to love Him first and foremost over anything, to love others genuinely and from my heart, to not get caught up in the things of this world, and to seek His will on all i do. in theory, it doesn't sound that hard. but theory is not reality. there is a piece of me, so deeply rooted that i feel it's part of me, that makes this life impossible. i am imperfect and because of that, i come up of His standard again, and again, and again. yet He still loves me.

what? he still loves me? even when i arrogantly judge my classmate? even when i don't make time for Him but will make time for hanging with friends, or for working on homework, or for working out? he still loves me even when i get self-righteous and think i've handled it?

Romans 8 .38- ' And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow-not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below-indeed, nothing in al creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.'

God. keep agitating this idea of your love. i want to know more about it, and to see how it all fits into my life. please give me the desire to pour over the scriptures and find out how your love affected those you taught, and how it can affect me. transform my heart as i realize the fact that you love me enough to do all, and more, just for me. 'for You, i sing, i dance. i rejoice in this divine romance.'

things are looking up

i can feel things settling down and changing for the better. God is moving and calling in more ways than one. i hope i can get caught up in that call and be enveloped in the love that i'll find there. here's hoping.

quoted

"Confronted with their true selves, most men run away screaming."
-Neverending Story.

thoughts?

wholehearted

so i was catching up on some reading that i had to get done the other day and came across this word: wholehearted.
for some reason it made me pause and think. what does it mean? i don't usually stop to wonder at the definition of every word but this one just caught my attention. of course we've all heard it before but i couldn't remember what it really meant; ya know, one of those words people throw around and it may seem obvious to define. but i wanted to take a look anyway. here:

wholehearted:
1: completely and sincerely devoted, determined, or enthusiastic wholehearted student of social problems
2 : marked by complete earnest commitment : free from all reserve or hesitation wholehearted approval

it got me thinking. (maybe i just had too much time on my hands). am i completely, one hundred percent devoted to anything? not staying in shape because i don't hit the gym every day. not eating a perfectly balanced diet because i have a sweet tooth and it can get the better of me every now and then. not music because, as much as i'd like to, i can't make myself practice all the time. the list can go on and on.
i think, though, that everyone should try to be wholehearted about at least one thing in their life; whether it's a commitment to academics, or your job, or a friendship, or a sports team; the possibilities are endless.
of course there is one thing that we should all be wholehearted about: our faith. to avoid hypocrisy.
(if only it was that easy)

looking ahead

the past week and change have been interesting for me. alot has changed and things are beginning to shape up here on campus differently than i could have imagined.
being on a new hall is, well, new. the guys here have relationships with each other that have a year on the relationships i have with them. the friends i hung out with last year are seeming to move on to different groups. my future as a psych major is just starting and it's exiting to look at the options that are available.
in the midst of all this, there is an uncertainty about things. i feel on edge and wish that things could go back to the way they were. i found myself questioning what will come next; what i'm supposed to do now.

David's words ring true: "My life constantly hangs in the balance, but I will not stop obeying your instructions."
" Your laws are my treasure, they are my heart's delight. I am determined to keep your decrees to the very end."
"Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path. I've promised it once, and I'll promise
it again: I will obey your righteous regulations."

Psalm 119.105-112

in the midst of all this, whether i feel good about the situation i'm in or whether things seem to make sense, or whether i am sad, God asks me to continue to live as He's called me to: to be focused on Him and to work towards making His heart my own.

Father. teach me to love and live for you alone. may the words of my mouth and the thoughts, goals, dreams and meditations of my heart be pleasing to You. thank you for loving me and giving your son over to death to save me from death.