what do you go home to?

who are we, and what is it that we are striving for? have we succumbed to what the world around us whispers?
i was thinking tonight about the situation that i'm in right now; and it hit me that i am living out my life. in a sense, it is mine to shape and steer; mine to enjoy and live out fully.
am i who i want to be? what are the things that i want to do with my life, that i let culture or the people around me alter? am i just doing what seems cool, because that's what everyone does, or am i doing things because i want to do them? what is motivating my investments of time and energy?

it seems like these days, people work at being uniquely alike. putting energy into being a part of a social scene, part of an activist group, part of a circle of common political views. personal interests are pushed aside; you have to be doing what everyone else is doing. it is to the point now that many people don't even know what they really want; deep down inside they have lost the passion for the things hoped for as children.

1 corinthians 12.12-17. God has made us unique and that includes the passions and interests as much as our physical or mental or spiritual attributes. we cannot try to assimilate to the crowds around us. it is what we enjoy and pursue that makes us who we are.

the future?

i was looking through car inventories this morning, (bored) and stumbled across this. It's Honda's new model, called the FCX Clarity. Running entirely on hydrogen fuel cells, it converts the hydrogen to electricity, which runs the engine. It is entirely environmentally friendly; it emits only water.
It's so new that Honda has only released two hundred of these on the market, and only in Santa Monica and Irvine, the only places that have hydrogen refueling stations. the way that refueling works is that hydrogen is sold in kilograms. a kilogram of hydrogen is right now priced at five dollars. So not too much different than a gallon of gas. The mileage that these cars get is much better than gas cars though.

The price of one of these cutting edge driving machines? A modest $2 million and it could be yours. Maybe time will tell, and everyone will be driving these. Until then, all I can do is hope.

longing to lead

i want to be leading. encouraging. to be pushing towards what i know to be truth. something that should come easy. if it's what i carry inside, it should come out easily. but it doesn't.
what do i do? do i abandon this, like a long project that seems to take more work than originally thought? no, that's not what i want. but i don't know how to break through and spark change. treading on this path with light feet and a hopeful heart; i want to see something change. movement towards what's best.
God give me wisdom. God i need you. BE in this situation

active

self control seems to be something that is lacking in today's culture. looking around at society, we're told to indulge in whatever we want; as long as it doesn't hurt anyone, we are given the green light. drink if you want, just don't kill anyone driving drunk. have sex as much as you want, just don't give anyone std's. work at what you want, as long as you don't injure anyone in the process. just because we have the freedom to do something doesn't mean we ought to do it.

this is common sense: i have the ability to buy a gun and shoot someone, i have the ability to eat whatever i want and as much as i want, i have the ability to steal things from shops..the list could go on and on. self control is something that we use everyday; it is what keeps us, in a sense, from doing these things. yet self control is on the defensive. people today can't seem to restrain themselves and are now paying the consequences. the economy is in shambles because people couldn't control their spending habits, abortion is on the rise because couples couldn't learn when enough is enough, teenage drinking is at an all time high because we haven't learned to control ourselves.

i want to learn to control myself. to let God direct me, rather than my every impulse or whim. to be able to look ahead and see the consequences of my choices.
Proverbs 25:28

he is

just
merciful
faithful
loving
involved
concerned
forgiving
wisdom
incomprehensible
powerful
eternal
unchanging
available
instructing
unmatched
all-encompasing
everywhere
creative
generous
amazing
elohim
father
hope
friend
approachable
mysterious
in control

these are just some of the things that God has been through time; in my life and in the lives of others. it does not matter the situation or circumstances; he is all of these things eternally. each one of these holds individual significance and gives me more and more reason to trust Him.

Have some Heart

so i'm starting to learn that all of who we are comes down to the heart. the things that we find interesting, the types of people that intrigue us, the things that get under our skin. when someone cuts us off in traffic, we respond from our hearts. when we hear of or see tragedy oversees and feel empathy, that comes from the heart. all the things that we think hold some sort of value have root in our hearts. the things that our hearts hold to are the things that steer us through life.
so it's only natural that it's our hearts that God is after. not the emotion or the intellect but the heart.
He gives an idea of the kind of heart He's after in His word:
Luke 5:32 "I have come not for those who think they are righteous, but for those who know they are sinners and need to repent"-a humble heart
Luke 6:44-45 " A tree is identified by it's fruit..A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart."

we have to "guard our hearts, for it is the well spring of life" because the things that we hold to determine what type of "fruit tree" we will be. doing this on our own isn't an option because we are naturally bent toward evil. it is God who must do the changing. may it be so.

wavering

there are times when i get so confused. my mind plays games and my emotions play along. there aren't any solutions to the problem; at least none that i can see. is it part of the growing process to let sense take control and steer through these things?
it's hard to see the forest through the trees from here. things get in the way that are distracting and seem so momentarily overwhelming. is there an easy solution to this? a cure for this? do i even want the cure?