thoughts on Lewis

faith.: "the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods...that is why faith is such a necessary virtue: unless you teach your moods 'where to get off', you can never be either a sound Christian or a sound athiest but just a creature dithering to and fro, with its beliefs really dependent on the weather and the state of its digestion."

"the first step is to recognise the fact that your moods change. the next is to make sure that, if you have once accepted Christianity, then some of its main doctrines shall be deliberately held before your mind for some time every day."

God. there is so much wisdom in these words. i don't know why i haven't seen it before but there is so much truth in this. my definition of faith, as seen in my life seems to be closely tied to how i'm feeling, how busy i am, the people i'm around, and the health i'm in. this isn't it at all. faith is knowing what i believe, no matter of the circumstances; knowing that God loves me and that He is all that i need. period. it seems so simple yet so overlooked.

and a reminder of what i know and hold as truth every day. of course. to remind my heart and mind about what's really the case; what really matters and what my relationship to God is. doing that everyday would change the way i went about those days.

"the main thing we learn from a serious attempt to practise the Christian virtues is that we fail. If there was any idea that God had set us a sort of exam and that we might get good marks by deserving them, that has to be wiped out...I think everyone who has some vague belief in God, until he becomes a Christian, has the idea of an exam. The first result of real Christianity is to blow that idea to bits...God has been waiting for the moment at which you discover that there is no question of earning a pass mark in this exam or putting Him in your debt."

God. i know this to be all too true in my life. i try to keep these "christian virtues" but it is useless. i fail every time, sooner or later. but that doesn't matter. THAT DOESN'T MATTER. you love me no matter what i do, no matter what i fail at, no matter what. your love is unconditional and it hinges not on deserving or not deserving it. it is a fact of reality.

(thank you Mr. Lewis)

What is this?

that's it. i'm done trying to fix these things on my own. i don't really know whether or not total surrender is something i still have to do. i don't know if this is what i've needed. i'm sick of trying to handle life on my own by playing it safe. i've become sick of dealing with the things life has thrown me on my own. and right now i'm sick of being frustrated..........................................................
i'm sick of playing it safe.

God. you are the one who created life and the way it works. you are the one who made me and placed me in this world that you made. i'm tired of saying that i trust you when i don't really know what that means. i've not done a great job of this on my own and i'm tired of coming back again and again to say that this time it's real. i want to find that the relationship everyone talks about is real. that it's more than the words and phrases and facts i've learned about you. i want to know you like i know my friends or family. you promise to be close and to be everything i need. i'm ready to let you prove it.

strip me down to the core of who i am and begin deconstruction of the things i've tried to put in place. the selfishness that holds tight. the shallowness that acts as a lens through which i see your world. the judgement that seems to put me on a pedestal before those around me. Oh God. i don't want to slowly drift from day to day without making meaning of the time i am given. teach me about what really matters, the thing that can fill my soul, heart, lungs, body, and mind. there is more out there because i have seen the emptiness of the alternatives i tried. the silent testimony of the lives of others stands as proof that You make a difference.

christmas is a holiday about remembering the time You sent Your son to earth, to become a human. the point of his incarnation was to teach the world that there is a more fulfilling and complete life. a life past the things the world tells us to try. a life that we were made to live in. You love me that much; that You would give up your only son for me? that you would submit yourself to human bounds and live as we do? God, living like a human would? You suffered a torturous death so that i could be given another chance? teach me about that chance, about that love. transform the heart within me, that is so prone to impatience, judgement, impulsiveness, and insecurity. fill me so that i become a new person. give me a drive to do what it takes to find your heart.

What is Christmas?

why do we celebrate this holiday? why do people get a warm fuzzy feeling inside during these weeks prior to the big day? why is it that we seem closer to the ones we love this time of year? what is the real reason that all of these traditions and feelings start?

love. it is all because of love. a God who loved His creation so much that there was nothing He would not do to get close to them. modeled in His image, this creation took a wrong turn. because of that love, this God did what it took to bring them back to His embrace. He sent His son to somehow become human and live among us. this son would live as no one else could, to die as no one ever will. that death would be the ransom of all mankind; the gift of salvation was offered to every person who was ever made.

God. you made the world and saw that it was good. you sent your only Son for you are GOOD. what a wonderful Saviour. this holiday season, i pray that i would learn to really appreciate the gift you've given me. thank you for being with me this semester, and through all of my life. i'm ready to get time alone with you now that school is on break. thank you for loving me and sending your Son. i am nothing without Him.

quoted

A quote that captures the essence of thanksgiving this year:

I am unloving and yet, still loved. I am poor, and yet have everything, I am undeserving yet given more. I am walking away, and yet, still pursued. These things I'm thankful for.

S. Durham

thoughts through lyrics

"you made the stars in the sky, and you taught the sun to rise."

"lord of heaven and earth"

"here is love, vast as the ocean, loving kindness as the sea."

"who am i, that you are mindful of me?"

"he is jealous for me, love's like a hurricane, i am a tree"

"i believe that you're my portion, i believe that you are all i need."

God is God. a being that IS power. it is this power that formed the stars and the moon. He thought up the existence of antelopes. He is the one who causes all of the molecules and atoms in physical matter to hold together. the earth is completely dependent on Him. without His hand, we can do nothing. we live because He allows us to.

yet this same God is one to whom the psalmist sings: "O God, you are my God; I earnestly search for you. My soul thirsts for you; my whole body longs for you in this parched and weary land where there is no water." he says that God alone is his God and he is hard at work looking for God. nothing else satisfies the longing in his heart; nothing completes the hole inside him other than this God, who is water in a "parched and weary land."

this mystery of the God of the universe being close and wanting a personal relationship with us is hard to grasp. i can't wrap my mind around that idea. yet the fact remains, understood or not. this alone is what will satisfy us through our whole lives. no matter the situation or circumstance, God is there and remains unchanging.

God. you are my God and I will ever seek you. i will seek you in the morning and i will learn to walk in your ways. step by step you lead me, and i will follow you all of my days. thank you for transforming me, even when it's small and i can't feel it. you are my hope. you are my life. you are my God.

this i believe

This I believe that God is faithful. Simple sounding, I know but it is one of the most amazing truths of reality that I think too many people miss. This I believe, that if we could become more familiar with God’s faithfulness to us, and really know it down in the core of who we are, then it would change the way we live our lives. It is essential to know our theology of God, also something I believe, and God’s faithfulness is a good place to start.

In the darkest night, the heaviest burdens, the most hopeless situations, your worst fears come true, God is faithful. When a girl of twelve loses her father to some other woman more appealing than her mother, God is faithful. When a family is uprooted from their way of life and put into a different world, of sorts, God is faithful. When cancer comes out of nowhere and aggressively takes a teenager’s body by the throat, God is faithful. When another bright-eyed teenager has his hopes and plans dashed to pieces in the midst of doubts and questions, God is faithful.

These things are not necessarily ones to make you sing, “Great is thy faithfulness, Oh God my Father.” However, if we could sit down with each of these people, the first thing they would tell you, as they’ve told me, is that God is indeed faithful. Of course, in light of their circumstances, they would have to explain why they can say that with the experiences they’ve had. Unfortunately they can’t all be here to explain their stories, but I’ll try to recount a few of them.

First of all, God is faithful. There are hundreds of references, stories, and metaphors in the bible that attest to God’s faithfulness, and they are completely true and very reassuring but this I believe, that personal testimony from people around you, can be more convincing of what God has done; to hear it in someone’s own words and hear the conviction and passion in their voices.

God is a God that has no bounds, and is personal to each person on earth. His faithfulness is something that shows up in different ways yet is always the same. His presence is with us through whatever circumstances we come to in life, good or bad. It is easy to say that God is with us when things go well, or when things are in our favor. It is easy to say that God is here when His blessings abound. However, the true test, is when things do not go as planned, when things don’t turn out nicely, when we are hurt or forgotten, when life won’t give us a break. God is still faithful then.

hollow shell

where do we get our satisfaction from? what things do we fit into our lives to bring us "happiness?" it feels like i've been learning, the hard way, that i cannot be filled by anything in this life. God is showing me how i've been designed to be empty without Him. it's funny how things that people get excited about don't bring fulfillment. there is a longing for more in the midst of these things.

If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world.

- C.S. Lewis

i think i'm growing and learning. or at least i hope so.