wavering

there are times when i get so confused. my mind plays games and my emotions play along. there aren't any solutions to the problem; at least none that i can see. is it part of the growing process to let sense take control and steer through these things?
it's hard to see the forest through the trees from here. things get in the way that are distracting and seem so momentarily overwhelming. is there an easy solution to this? a cure for this? do i even want the cure?

more lyrics.

well, i've got a will but i want yours
i've got a growing heap of crosses and burdens
i've simply lost heart to shoulder
simply no strength to lift
i've always been a man in need
'cause i keep stepping in and out of the shadow

caught by the drift and pitch of whatever it is
that keeps me coming back
i want out
'cause i'm getting sick
sick from all this swerving
driver, sick from turning on you

someone show me a hole in this cycle
show me the way away and i'm coming back
the way i came
no! i've seen this place before
surely this is no place for the light of this world

oh how sweet the sound
i know it saved but is it changing a wretch like me
oh my God how sweet is the sound
i once was blind but now i just look away

my bride, i don't want to know what i'd be without
forgiveness brushing these adulterous lips

here are the lyrics to a song that struck me recently as i listened:

I trust in you for life to live, and air to breath.
Purity fills my lungs.
I no longer live in solitude.
No longer bound.
My heart beats with great devotion.
This is the start to a new beginning.
On my knees praying for mercy.
Hands raised high, humble and broken. Wanting your grace.
Wanting your security.
Memories of laying facedown, motionless, with such a hollow feeling inside.
Soon I would end this life I was living.
I am just a man with a heart and sinful hands.
I am a fallen victim.
Lord, show me the way. I ask of you Father, let my words be your words.
Let my thoughts be your thoughts.
To you, I give my praise.
Show me the way. Take me in your arms. Never let me go.
Lord, show me the way, as I give myself to you.
Never let me go.
Hold me with your everlasting love.


i'm getting the feeling that the life that i've known so far in life has been more shallow and empty than it was ever intended to be. the things that defined my life are becoming more and more empty: popularity. money. a "successful career." "happiness." i let these things shape how i go through life.
God is beginning to show me that there is a life that He designed that is so much more fulfilling. there is a relationship to be had with Him that will be more engaging, more satisfying, more completing, than anything here on earth.
if only it was easy to develop.

Lord, show me the way, as I give myself to you.
Never let me go.
Hold me with your everlasting love.